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A Dark Twist in my Summer Vacation

Posted on October 18, 2013 at 8:05 AM

Phew! What a hectic few months since I last blogged.  I took a bit of a rest from the website, as I had a busy and very enjoyable summer with my family – with some gorgeous sunshine for once.


But under the warmth of the sun, there lurked something Dark– in me!  Try as I might to deny it over the years, I had finally found a book which made me confront the truth that I have been denying for a very long time…that we all have a Dark Side...no matter how lovely our thoughts or words, or outward packaging, posing and posturing…it’s in their somewhere and it wants to get out!


The focus of this Dark topic was mainly my reading of ‘The Dark Side of the Light Chasers’, by Debbie Ford. I had borrowed the book about a year ago and not really felt it was relevant to me at the time – or so my Ego seemed to think!


 I initially whizzed through the chapters which told me how I was hiding my Shadow Self and Dark Side. I couldn’t initially identify with these dark parts of me that apparently lurked in everyone:  the author claimed the Shadow is ‘the person you would rather not be’ and it is ‘parts of our personality that have been rejected out of fear, ignorance, shame or lack of love’, but I felt I knew exactly who I now was and had no negative feelings towards any part of me.


I can look back and laugh now at my ignorance, but at the time I really felt I had already healed any darkness lurking deep inside:  I had done all the Cord Cutting,  Forgiving, had Reiki and Past Life Regressions (not to mention Counselling years ago). So this Dark Side stuff seemed irrelevant to me personally at that time:  althoughI knew it was probably something I hadn’t heard the last of …I had that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach..you know the one when you lie to yourself??!


Then months later, my friend who had lent me the book urged me to read it again and I did and then, for some reason, it made sense:  I fianlly could acknowledge that I had been lying to myself and everyone elseall along – I did have a Dark Side!


I suddenly understood how and why I had been deceiving myself into believing I didn’t have a Dark Side: to protect my own idealisation of myself and my personality; trying to keep myself feeling good and worthy and full of the Love and Light I wanted others to see. I didn’t want to be flawed and I didn’t want others to know that I was.


I can now see how my Ego had kept me from wanting todiscover the Truth and the Real Me.  But once I got over the shock that I did have a Shadow Self and Dark Side, I really wanted to embrace them and get them on my good side! The exercises in the book were quite fun, as well as hugely enlightening and I really enjoyed meeting the Dark, sometimes sad and often weird, characters inside of me who have been trying to get my attention all these years! 


Realising that I am made up of numerous personality types, all trying to support the Ego in presenting me and preserving me as the Ego would like me to be seen, has been enlightening and empowering.  I now even believe the author when she says these traits are able to be employed to positive uses - my Inner Bitch, for example, can be very usefully employed when I have been pestered by cold callers and telephone scammers for the tenth time in one day!


The book promised that when I did acknowledge that I had a Dark Side that I would become Whole and Complete and learn so much about myself from it and so I did and I hope I have inspired you and given you the courage to get the book and discover your own Dark Side – even if it takes you more than one attempt to own up to it too!

 

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